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Have you heard that old joke, “How many Christians does it take to change a lightbulb?
“Change? My grandparents gave that lightbulb! We can never change it!”
A much more sobering, but accurate Q&A is: How many church members does it take to force a clergy resignation? As few as three or four, and typically less than 10.
Clergy forced terminations are always painful for the clergyperson, their family, and the congregation. The emotional repercussions last for years, and often lifetimes.
About one in three clergy will be forced to leave a call during their professional career. These terminations typically follow months or years of dissent from a relatively small number of church members. In the best of circumstances, the judicatory or an outside mediator can guide a humane exit. But rarely, if ever, do clergy and their partners feel sufficiently supported after a termination.
An Episcopal Priest once told me, “You haven’t lived unless you have been fired at least once. It’s a messy, traumatic experience that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Being fired and then abandoned by my Bishop, and being treated like I had the cooties by some colleagues, never changed my faith in God. But it has forever changed my trust in the institutional church, something that again, I wouldn’t wish on anyone.”
Columbia Seminary’s Ministering to Ministers program was created for exactly this: supporting clergy and clergy spouses in the midst of, and after, forced terminations. Staff quickly respond to phone and email inquiries and offer real help, including options such as three free sessions with a therapist, a free consultation with an employment lawyer, and/or registration for a three-day workshop focused on clarity and healing for clergy and spouses.
My husband and I attended a Ministering to Ministers retreat a few weeks after a mutually agreed separation with a congregation. Several years later, my husband said the Ministering to Ministers retreat was one of the most important moments in our marriage. We gathered with clergy from many denominations who had been through similar turmoil. We created and shared our genograms with one another and small groups, noticing how roles and patterns from our family of origin showed up in our church life.
The retreat staff had all been through forced terminations, too. They accepted us as we were: heartbroken, confused, and exhausted. There were no expectations that participants would stay in the church or leave; or that we wanted worship or not; or that we had an idea of what our next step would be. This retreat was an important time of healing and insight, and my husband and I both felt known and supported.
The church may not always know how to care for its wounded clergy, but there are people who do. Do you know someone who needs this? Or would you like to support this work? Support HERE.
Rev. Dr. Helen Svoboda-Barber, MDiv, LCMHCA, NCC, FT, DMin spent 25 years in full-time parish ministry in The Episcopal Church and her current vocation includes Mental Health Therapist, Clergy Coach, and Retreat Leader. She can be reached through her Clergy Coaching practice at Helen@CardboardDogCoaching.com
